Dated Goods

Lord have mercy. I am the best by date patrol at my house. If milk is one day past due I won't touch it. I don't care if it is still good for a week later, I ain't drinking it. So while my mother was fixing collard greens and went into the fridge to look for bacon to add for flavor she pulled out a bag of unopened carrots and some meats. The compartment that she pulled it out from was one that rarely sees traffic and is known for harboring goods that is well over due. As I was telling her that most of that stuff she pulled out of the fridge is not safe for us to eat I glanced at the date on the carrots. Did you know those jokers said best MAY 2001!!! I damn near had a heart attack ya'll! Those carrots been here since I was in the 9th grade (I am now going into my 5th year in college), before the terrorist attack, and before Aaliyah and Left Eye and Luther died! Those carrots been riding and dying through a lot of things....and my mama tried to justify it saying that she probably recently just bought it from the store. Sorry mama, I don't think no store, not even Save A lot is selling seven year old carrots.

Then, I proceeded to check the cabinet to prove that that is not the only out of date goods in the house. I looked all of the way deep in the back of the cabinet in the corner where nobody really disturbs. I picked up a bottle of lemon juice and checked the date on it....I kid you not, that thing said Jan 1987! I was on the floor gone! That stuff expired when I was just barely 11 months old! I have never, seen no mess like that ever! Then my mother tried to justify it AGAIN and say she probably just bought it a few years ago! No mama...ain't nobody selling no 21 year old bottle of lemon juice! I have not laughed as hard as I laughed today in a long time. That was too funny.